Bound by Sin
Tightly wound up all over
With rope cutting into my flesh
On my knees
My head bent almost touching the ground
Satan’s foot pressing on my neck
I am afraid to look up
I am afraid to even ask
I am afraid of the response
It’s dark all around me
Alone in my fear
I have sunk to the abyss
My sins got me here
I rejected the voice of caution
I went fully ahead
The sins were knowingly committed
And now I find myself with a question
What if I am rejected
Have I reached the end?
My life as I know it will be over
If I am removed from His presence
The full weight of what I’ve done
Bears heavily on me
I cannot bear His punishment
What if I am now abandoned
My hard heart knows very real fear
I imagine the scene of judgement at the end
My accounts of life laid bare before the Father
I picture me cast with the goats
En route to a permanent separation
A life given a million chances reaches its sorry end
I whisper Lord am I salvageable
Will the sacrifice at the cross cover
These oft repeated sins
Or will I suffer the consequences
Of well deserved punishments
Lord you know my sins
I am afraid to know what your answer will be
Will you leave me to my own devices
To wallow in the terrible muck
Or extend once again Your immeasurable grace
I am afraid to seek Your answer
What if I receive the fate of the hard necked Israelites
Cursed because of their oft repeated sins
What will I do if I have managed to anger You
To the point of no return
I look to Your word with a heavy heart
Lord I understand if you don’t let me go free
And instead You admonish me
On one side there is a small glimmer
But this time I am truly afraid to hope
I see the bright light shining before me
While I am engulfed in the darkness
The weight growing heavier
I can see Satan mocking
I told you so sneer as I lie there broken and bruising
His word appears to me
And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly
Wait what, My God sanctifies me!
He has freed me from sin!
He has set me apart for His purpose! Oh what joy I feel within!
Get your feet off my neck Satan
I can lift my head from the ground
These cords that bound me fall away
I am free to run into the light
To fall at the feet of my Savior
I say with a broken voice that I’m really sorry
That I was afraid and felt really alone
That I had messed up too badly
The fear had gripped me completely
That you wouldn’t come for me
Then when my mind clears from the darkness
When Your forgiveness reaches me
Then I remember clearly what You told me
That You will never leave me nor forsake me
My heart heaves
I tell you Lord that the fear felt real this time
That the separation would be permanent
That I cannot afford to commit grave sins
And go through this ordeal of feeling of complete alienation
The fear that I will never have You in my life again
I finally come to realize today,
After three odd decades of life
The true meaning of a verse oft repeated
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom
Proverbs Nine – ten
I fear and I tremble of the sins that came between us
A chasm that was created
Me in the dark and You in the light
I was scared that I will be left there
Head bowed down ropes binding me tight
Jesus, You came and You saved me
Pulled me back into the comfort of Your grace
I don’t ever want to leave your embrace
To be sucked into the darkness
To feel alone and so afraid
I want You to always be the guide that leads me
Your words to strengthen and encourage me
The knowledge that You are always for me
I know now that if I am away from Your presence I am bereft
To take even another step
-By Sap for almondtreerod.com